Next weekend marks the annual flight home of the college freshmen, the midterm migration in which recently fledged students return home to prove their parents are getting their money’s worth.
We have so many questions for these kids. How are they holding up against all those liberal professors we keep hearing about? Is it really possible to live on nothing but Chipotle burritos? And how could they have gone so many minutes over their monthly cell phone allotment without ever having called home?